Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
