Kiss
Puke
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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