he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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