what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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