Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
