I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
