i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
