hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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