i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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