i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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