Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
