Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
