yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Someone shattered a urinal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
