Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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