I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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