just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
