I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
