Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
