that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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