I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I still have a little drunk in my system
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
