I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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