cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My dick has a subreddit
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
