My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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