I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
