Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
