I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
