just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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