dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
