Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
