atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
