you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
