You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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