NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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