She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
