i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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