She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
