Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
