last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
