my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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