I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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