i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
