Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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