You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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