Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
