i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
