I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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