you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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