If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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