Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we're so committed to being not committed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
