Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
